Hermana Lund in San Antonio: Doubt and Fear are Opposed to Faith

Mi Familia!

First of all, happy Father's Day to Dad and both my great grandpas! I hope you had a great day, and I love you all!

So, this week has been HARD. Like, really hard. You want me to be honest right? My new companion is Hermana Rodriguez. She's great and I love her. :) She's not afraid to talk to people and she's great at teaching already. She's a great missionary. (And she's even shorter than Hermana King, just a sidenote. :)) We really get along I know we'll be good friends.

The hard thing is that she doesn't speak almost any English. She's from El Salvador but her family is living in Houston right now. Because she's undocumented she has to serve in Texas. She didn't go to the MTC but she got some MTC-like training over Skype. The language barrier has been really, really hard. We try to talk in English in the apartment and Spanish outside, but she never speaks to me in English and I end up translating about everything into Spanish. There is so much to explain and teach and I have literally felt my brain stretching as I've tried to do it all in Spanish.

I mean, first of all, I'm super stressed just being the senior companion. I'm having a hard time knowing what we should be doing every day and who we should visit if our plans fall through. (It doesn't help that we are WAY short on miles, so we have to be super picky about where we go.) Not having Hermana King to work with has been hard enough. And then having to train Hermana Rodriguez and explain who everyone is and what their story is and what we're doing next and why and everything else in Spanish has brought me about to my breaking point. And I can't believe how much I miss Hermana King! It's so unlike me, goodbyes usually aren't too bad for me. But I miss her so much it hurts! I just feel like the rug has been pulled right out from under me. Everything was going so well and now I feel like I'm dangling by a thread.

Yesterday I asked Elders Peterson and Ferry from our district to give me a blessing. Man, was it powerful. The minute Elder Ferry started to speak the Spirit just poured into my heart. He said exactly what I needed to say and it has helped a lot. I'm still incredibly overwhelmed but it's getting better. I'm really working on keeping my doubts and fears out of God's way. And I'm trying to remember that this is His work, after all, and that He won't let me mess it up.

And I have to admit, the gift of tongues is real. I still have a hard time understanding other people, but I can almost always understand Hermana Rodriguez and my ability to explain things has been far better than it should be. It's definitely really hard but I've been able to make it through so far! I know that there's nowhere to go from here but up. I'm just pushing though until the sun comes again. I've been trying hard to take the focus off of myself and put it on Hermana Rodriguez and the people we teach. Because, you know, this isn't about me.

Our investigators are doing well. Robert finally came to church yesterday! And I'm pretty sure Carlos got the priesthood yesterday! We are kind of still teaching him because they haven't assigned anyone to give him the new member lessons yet. I need to make sure that happens.

Don't worry too much about me, I'll be ok. But please, please pray for me really hard. :) I could use it.

I love you all. I know God loves all His children and He knows how they feel. He wants us to be happy and He wants us back with Him. Everything that happens to us in this life is to help that happen. I know with all my heart that this gospel is true, and that it's the only thing that matter. And I know I say it every week, but don't forget to pray and read the scriptures every day! Do it as a family and do it alone. Have FHE and go to church. I know that these basic things are vital for Heavenly Father to be able to reach us and help us.

Have a great week! Mucho amor a todos!

Hermana Lund